Hello and welcome to another edition of Extreme Meditation for Winning, a blog series to help you dominate your insufferable mind. I am an author, psychologist and person of interest in the disappearance of Lawrence Sanchez.
Today I want to talk with you about creating new opportunities. They say “opportunity knocks.” But that’s not always the case, is it? Sometimes it rings a doorbell. And sometimes it just leaves the food on the porch and runs.
If you feel stuck in your personal or professional life, there are simple ways you can generate opportunities by using mindfulness in your daily life. If you feel stuck in your impersonal and unprofessional life, don’t come crying to me. I can only do so much.
One thing I like to do to create new opportunities is tie a 50 dollar bill on a string and put it in the middle of the sidewalk, yanking it away whenever some idiot bends over to try to pick it up. I tried this yesterday and met so many interesting people, one of whom spent nearly 25 minutes methodically beating the shit out of me.
Another thing you can do to create new opportunities is to start making simple changes to your daily routines. For instance, using your lunch break at work to take a quick 5-minute walk through wet cement is a great way to energize yourself and get the attention of dozens of interesting construction workers. You can also try trading out that 3 o’clock donut for a leg of lamb. I know I wish I could do more of that!!
Keeping a close eye on your neighbors is another great way to create new opportunities. Scout the neighborhood and try to get a sense of when families are home and when they have flown to Paris for an elaborate Christmas vacation. And don’t be fooled by cardboard cutouts set up on pulley ropes inside the home to make it look like a party is going on in there — that’s often a ruse.
Asking more questions of others and harvesting their knowledge is a proven way to open more doors in your life, even the confusing revolving doors. Whenever I pass someone in a hallway, for example, I always make sure to ask, “Where am I? How did I get here? Can you please help me?” More often than not the person will guide me back to the bathroom and help me finish wiping my ass.
George Bernard Shaw once said, “Don’t wait for the opportunity: create it.” And he should know. When he saw the opportunity to have three names, he took it, despite how stupid it sounds.
I hope you’ll take this advice with you throughout your day and start creating more opportunities for yourself. A rising tide lifts all ships and I am sinking fast, so hurry.