Find Your Quiet Place

r.j. kushner
3 min readJul 7, 2023
It’s not trespassing if it’s for self-improvement.

Hello and welcome to another edition of Extreme Meditation for Winning, the only meditation blog that asks, “Where exactly is your bathroom?” I’m your guest blogger, Ryan Kushner, Ph.D., Esq., Wt.F. I am a neuroscientist, Tae Kwon Do Yellow Belt and parasocial relationship-haver.

I’d like to begin today by asking you a question: Do you have a “quiet place”? If you just heard me ask that question, then the answer is probably a big fat “No.” It’s not easy to carve out a safe, peaceful place for yourself in the world these days, especially when the staff at Qdoba keep yelling, “Sir, you’re not allowed behind the counter.”

However, creating a dedicated Quiet Place is essential to accumulating the mindgems necessary to win MediTation and crush your competition. Extreme Meditation is best done in a dark, damp area, like a cave, preferably a secret one, filled with computers and special gadgets, and there’s a butler there and he’s kind of a father figure in some ways.

But a Quiet Place can also be simple; it can be the corner of a bedroom, a kitchen nook, or a manhole outside your apartment that you keep falling into like an idiot. Find what works best for you and then park your ass down.

This serene German mountainside was much improved by my massive vape cloud.

That takes care of the “place” part, but what about the “quiet”? It’s hard enough to take a dump without some brat at Qdoba banging on the door saying, “If you don’t come out of there my manager said he’s gonna call the police!”

It’s moments like this where you can activate Extreme Meditation Tip #501: Ignore people. This is one of the greatest and most effective LyfeHax there is and not many know about it. Kids hounding you with math questions? Uber passengers on your case about being on the “wrong side of the road”? Ignoring them will go a long way toward establishing and protecting your Quiet Place.

Been trying to sell this chair on Facebook Marketplace for like a month. $75 and it’s yours.

I hope you take this wisdom with you in your journey toward sitting still and shutting the fuck up. Finding a Quiet Place is key to adopting the Extreme Meditation Lyfstyle and is the best thing that has ever happened to me, at least until the rude staff at the 9th Street Qdoba all get replaced by AI.

Thank you for choosing this edition of Extreme Meditation as your alibi. For more opportunities to expand your mindgems and fuel your brainspark, go here:

Have a question for our panel of Extreme Meditation experts? Unfortunately they were horsing around and ended up in a “group coma.” Doctors expect they will regain consciousness in 2024 with some answers. Until then, use Bing — the only Extreme Meditation-approved search engine.

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r.j. kushner

Dubbed by the New York Times as “all out of free articles this month.”