I Accidentally Killed One of the Ninja Turtles And I Am So Sorry
Ugh. I feel awful. I accidentally killed one of the Ninja Turtles and I am so sorry. Damnit. This is just the worst. FML!
It happened when I was driving down Broadway listening to Summer of ’69 and eating croutons straight out of the bag, as is my wont. It was past midnight, and the stars shone through the pollution like the smudges on dirty glasses or something… Sorry, I dunno, I thought I’d try to be poetic but maybe this isn’t the time (time is like a jewel…frick, there I go again).
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Anyway, I was taking a sip of Red Bull for my health when a manhole in the center of the street lifted, and a buff green body slid up before me like a premonition. I clocked its surprise just before my Kia Sorento clocked the rest of it. I felt a bump and heard a crack and I smashed the brake.
A cold silence followed, and the only sounds were the tinkle of the car engine and the tinkle of my tinkle (urine). I’ll be honest, I contemplated driving off. I’m human. I have impulses. How dare you judge me when I’m trying to open up to you. I turned off the ignition and looked in the rearview mirror and saw the green body laying in the street. I got out and took a closer look. Oof. Yep. That was a Ninja Turtle alright. Its…
