Notes From My Vacation On The Island of Doctor Moreau

Finally made it to the hotel. The lobby stunk like vomit. I complained to Moreau and he said it was probably because I’d just vomited all over the davenport. He’s very smug. They should call him “Doctor Smug.” Anyway, then this big furry freak came over and took my bags to my room. I didn’t tip him.

The breakfast buffet here leaves something to be desired. Old fruit and cold cereal. And you can’t ask for bacon because the waiter looks like some kinda pig thing. Some getaway this is turning out to be. Took a shower and found a flea collar in the drain.

Tried to get a pickleball game going in the rec room today but Moreau burst in yelling that it’s not a rec room, it’s his “laboratory,” and that I had to get out. Give a guy an island and a medical degree and suddenly he thinks he can talk to you any way he wants. I knocked over his lava lamp on my way out “accidentally.”

Today Moreau called an assembly of “The Beast Folk,” which apparently included me. Was relieved to learn the meeting was because he found a half-eaten rabbit on the lawn and not because he’d discovered I’d been having diarrhea in the ice machine. Eating rabbit is apparently “against the law” here and Moreau gave a big speech about it. I said I “hop” they find who did it. Big laughs. Had diarrhea again later.