Hello and welcome to another edition of Extreme Meditation For Winning. I’m your guest blogger, Pastor Ryan Kushner. I’m a husband, father, yogi and death penalty advocate.
Here’s a question: Do you struggle to pay attention to the small details? In today’s noisy world of social media, breaking news and talking dogs, it can be hard to slow down and notice “the little things.”
What are “the little things”? My neighbor Harris, for one. I nearly stepped on him the other day. I said, “Sorry, lil fella! Didn’t see ya there.” He didn’t like it when I said that, in part because he’s convinced himself that he’s taller than me, despite reality. He’s 5’9” and I’m probably around 8 feet tall at this point (haven’t measured in a while due to self-love).
So, how can we be better at noticing small details, like my little buddy Harris? The truth is, paying attention to the small details is easy and there are many ways to do it. Here’s how:
One popular practice among meditation experts (winners) is the use of bells. The ringing of sacred bells reminds us to be in the present moment and also lets us know when to stop boxing. Both are crucial elements in the Extreme Meditation Lifestyle (patent pending).
Knowing what I know about bells, I attempted to put bells on Harris so I’d always hear him coming and never miss a second. Harris didn’t like when I tried to put bells on him because Harris is insecure. If he practiced MindFulness (™), he would know I was trying to put bells on him to improve my Lifestyle and expand my mindgems. Instead, Harris prefers to hide behind things like direct confrontation and clear explanations about personal boundaries.
Paying attention to the small details isn’t easy. Nobody said it would be. But the important thing is to never give up. I wouldn’t be able to vote twice in federal elections if I was a quitter.
So, I outfitted my apartment’s hallway with tripwires that would activate small bells I installed in my room. This way my bells would notify me every time Harris left for work so I could notice him.
It took hours to get my wires just right and I ended up with hundreds of splinters in my hands (unclear why), but it was very fulfilling work and afterward I slept like a baby (crying, peeing).
All was going according to plan until the next morning when I awoke to yelling (not mine) and found Old Man Genovski, another one of my neighbors, tangled up in my wires. The poor brute had gotten himself in quite a pickle and every struggle only got him more ensnared in my elaborate web. I pulled out my big knife and slowly approached.
“Whoa there, big fella,” I said, “easy now.”
This didn’t achieve the kind of calm I’d hoped to inspire in Old Man Genovski, and the son of a bitch pulled out a machete. Our blades met and the fight was on. I sashayed and parried as Genovski used his blade to carve my cargo shorts into a sort of paper snowflake.
We ended up with knives at each other’s throats when we heard it: the bells. I craned my neck and saw Harris, little coffee in his little hand, activating one of my other wires. He looked rather dumbfounded at me and Old Man Genovski.
We all knew exactly what to do then. We sat down in a circle and MediTated (™) in the present moment, listening only to the hearts in our breasts and the calming, fading echoes of the brassy bells.
I’d like to wish that moment had lasted forever. But Extreme Meditators don’t do that. Moments pass, bells stop ringing, neighbors free themselves and apartment managers evict you for setting tripwires in the halls.
This is the essence of Lyfe (™). Don’t miss it.
Thank you for directing your HeadGrapes (™) at Extreme Meditation for Winning, the only self-help blog with an FDA warning.