Hello and welcome to another edition of Extreme Meditation For Winning, the only meditation blog currently under investigation for money laundering. I’m Lt. Ryan Kushner. I am a psychologist, marathon runner and member of the Swedish death metal band “Skülkrünch.”
Today I want to talk with you about “setting boundaries.” It’s not always easy, is it? And yet, setting boundaries is one of the most important things you can do in both the game of life and the game of dodgeball; it is an essential part of the Extreme Meditation Lyfstyle (™).
If you’re anything like me, then you were probably part of the 2019 Dribexadrone drug trials and have large tufts of hair sprouting from your ears and elbows. If you’re also anything like me, you feel guilty about setting boundaries with others because you’re “A Giver.”
Well, I’m here to tell you that setting boundaries is nothing to feel guilty about. We need to take care of ourselves if we want to take care of the world and make phat stacks of cash in the process.
For example, I have owed the Sonny Falcone crime family $75,000 for two years, and every time they came to try to collect it I have simply and calmly explained that I need “time for myself.” Now, if people love and respect you, they’ll understand and give you space to be truly yourself. But if they’re rude and pushy like Sonny Falcone, maybe it’s time to cut them out of your MindSpace (™).
Sonny is one of the most emotional people I’ve ever met in my entire life and is very codependent. I met him during the Drebexadrone drug trials and we bonded over our mutual hatred for “Apples to Apples.” A few weeks into the trials, I asked Sonny if I could borrow $75,000 for a thing. He agreed, although later claimed he’d been in a “Drebexadrone haze” at the time.
Anyway, it wasn’t long after that he began pestering me to pay him back. I told him I’d get to it eventually but he insisted on creating a “payment plan.” Toxic much? I realized I would need to have a conversation with Sonny in order to set boundaries. I was nervous to have “the talk” with Sonny, but I drew courage from something Doctor Klugg used to say during the Drebexadrone trials: “I’m pretty sure you had that tail before this.”
“Sonny,” I said, meeting him and his goons by some murky docks one night like he requested. “I’m afraid I’m going to need to set some boundaries with you.”
Here’s a tip for when you’re setting boundaries while a group of mobsters are stuffing you into a large sack: Never use the words “you always” and “you never.” These words sound defensive. What you want to do is communicate what you need with respect and clarity, and not come from a place of judgment.
Anyway, the bag the mobsters brought was too small because they forgot to account for my tail. Sonny ended up slicing my hand off “for theft” (dramatic much?) but it has since grown back. I haven’t seen Sonny since. That’s the power of boundaries. It’s enough to make your tail wag.
Thank you for reading Extreme Mediation for Winning, the only meditation blog Dolph Lundgren has described as “harmful.”