Thank You, Doctor Jake, For My Wonderful Green Pills!
Not all heroes wear capes. But my hero Dr. Jake wears one. He says it’s to cover his hump. It’s very long and he always trips over it. The cape, I mean. It smells like cat litter.
Dr. Jake is my hero because he gives me my wonderful green pills. They’re the best! They’ve solved my every problem, including my horrible memory. They’re the best!
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Getting older sucked until I started getting my green pills from Dr. Jake. Now every day’s a party, I think. Every morning I wake up and I run for miles and miles. I don’t know where I’m going. Then I cartwheel home and exfoliate my dog.
Not to mention I’m so much more productive at work now. Yesterday I sent my boss over 500 emails, all of them marked as Urgent and filled with pictures of Minions making love. My boss does not always appreciate me, but I am proud. I am proud of what I have done.
I am proud of what I have done.
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Thanks to my succulent green pills, I don’t have to poo or pee anymore. That part of my life is over. I’m…
