The Worst of Me
This year, as some of you may know, I’ve been participating in a “Daily” Monologue challenge, as well as serializing a novel about ghosts. It turns out that such endeavors really clutter up a Medium page. Frankly, it smells like a gym bag on here.
So, inspired by David Sedaris’s latest money grab, I’ve decided to compile a “Best-of” article and paste it like a treatise at the top of my Medium page, as well as on the doors of several local government buildings.
The following articles are some of my “favorite” “bits.” Now, not all of them performed very well on here, for obvious reasons (sabotage). But still I care for them; they are the closest things I have to children (including my children).
This is the best worst of me:
Why I Became A Phonebook Salesman in 2018
I was in my study, alphabetizing my grievances, when there came a knock upon my door.
Avatar Fan Club Meeting: Please DO NOT Park in the Joann Fabrics Next Door
Why is that so difficult?
A Few Notes From Karate Class
Karate class off to rocky start. Sensei questioned my commitment in front of the class because I won’t wear the belt…
A Letter to My Office Plant in the Time of Coronavirus
You’re probably wondering where I am right now.
Profiles in History: Dr. Hans Vestergaard, Inventor of the Bubble
New research suggests that Dr. Kurtz Havlechulk (1801–1754) was not in fact the true mastermind behind the creation of…
I Didn’t Spend 4 Years in Sky Writing School to Help Sven Propose to My Ex-Girlfriend
Not why I did it, frankly.
I Spent Three Years Chasing Whalers In Order to Tell Them Everything About ‘Along Came Polly.’
The idea seemed simple enough; I would track down a Japanese whaling ship in the Southern Ocean and tell the entire…
Why I was Banned From the Bob Ross Certified Instructor Program
I phthalo blew it.
Why I Became the Greatest ‘Deleted Tweet’ Detective in the World
Some removed tweets don’t want to chirp — but I always make them sing.