My Sleep Paralysis Demon Has Been Phoning It In
Just like every other normal, hardworking adult, I can’t wait to go to sleep every night and face my sleep paralysis demon. It’s the cherry on top of my day, the thing that keeps me going. But lately I can’t help notice a lack of enthusiasm from my sleep paralysis demon. The visitations aren’t quite what they used to be, and the production value has gone down significantly. There’s no hellfire or coherent script anymore. He’s basically been holding a flashlight under his chin and muttering, “I’m gonna kill ya, ya rascal.” Rascal? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
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I took a long think and concluded that the dip in quality began after I told my sleep paralysis demon that he was my very best friend. The admission seemed to startle my demon at the time, and it was impossible not to notice that he didn’t say it back. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have said anything. It just slipped out. My future wife says I have a tendency to try to move too fast in relationships (we’ve only been on three dates but she really understands me).
So, I tried to see if I could undo some of the damage. I wrote a letter at the foot of my bed that said, “I hate you, sleep paralysis demon!” I figured he might prefer it if I saw him as more of an adversary. But sometimes…
